Intentional Parenting: Cultivating Connection Through Awareness and Communication

By Veronica McMillion, LPC

Parenting is one of the most meaningful roles we’ll ever hold, but it’s also one of the most complex. According to a 2022 study by the Pew Research Center, 80% of parents say that parenting is rewarding all or most of the time. The same study found that 29% of parents report parenting to be stressful all or most of the time. 

Finding ways to intentionally connect with your children can relieve parenting stress, and have a positive impact on the mental health of your entire family. Intentional parenting is about shifting from reactive to reflective; making conscious choices that foster emotional intelligence, connection, and resilience in both parent and child.

Parenting Styles

Start by reflecting on your parenting style. In the 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind identified three main parenting styles – authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive. Your parenting style sets the tone for family interactions, and can be a powerful tool for shaping your child’s positive sense of self and emotional intelligence.

Authoritarian parenting: Parents expect their children to follow strict rules without question or negotiation. Authoritarian parents tend to be less flexible and nurturing, often imposing rules without explanation, and punishing mistakes. 

Authoritative parenting: Parents set clear expectations and guidelines for behavior, and children are encouraged to have input on setting goals and expectations. Open communication creates a nurturing and close parent-child relationship.

Permissive parenting: Warm and nurturing, permissive parents set few expectations or rules for their children, allowing them to navigate situations independently. Parents tend to take on a more friend-like role with their children. 

Studies indicate that authoritative parenting fosters the healthiest outcomes in children by promoting confidence, responsibility, and self-regulation. Authoritative parents are intentional about understanding their own emotions and modeling regulation and empathy to their children. Which parenting style is most familiar to you? 

Emotional Awareness: The Foundation of Connection

Intentional parenting begins with emotional self-awareness. Children are sensitive to the emotional tone of their caregivers. By tuning into your own emotional state, you set the stage for a safe, emotionally attuned environment. Are you tired, overwhelmed, frustrated? Recognizing these emotions makes you more prepared to respond with care and compassion.

Sometimes our negative reactions stem from our own childhood experiences or unmet needs. By becoming aware of your triggers (like whining or sibling conflict!), you gain the ability to pause and choose a grounded response. This self-regulation models powerful emotional intelligence for your child. 

Active Listening

One of the most impactful tools in parenting is active listening. When your child speaks, are you listening to understand, or simply waiting to reply or correct? Active listening involves eye contact and a nonjudgemental approach that communicates: “I see you and I care.” This builds trust and invites openness and sharing. 

Children often act out because they lack the words to express how they are feeling. Help your child build an emotional vocabulary. Use everyday moments to name feelings: “It looks like you’re feeling disappointed,” or “Are you feeling nervous about your test?” Over time, this practice empowers them to express themselves in constructive ways.

Emotional Validation

Children need to feel that their emotions are valid, even if their behavior isn’t appropriate. Saying “You’re fine” or “There’s nothing to cry about” might shut down emotional expression. Instead, say, “It’s okay to feel sad,” or “That must have been frustrating.” Validating feelings doesn’t mean ignoring negative behaviors; it simply acknowledges that emotions are acceptable and manageable.

Emotional resilience grows when children are allowed to experience the full range of their feelings with support. Sit with them through their distress. Teach them that big feelings come and go, and that they are never alone in them.

Communication: Gentle Guidance

Choose Words Carefully 

Labels like “lazy,” or “dramatic” stick with children and shape their self-concept. Choose words that correct the behavior, not condemn the child. Silence is equally powerful. Pausing before responding allows space for reflection and reduces escalation. Silence can also communicate calm, control, and compassion.

Invite Dialogue

Intentional communication invites questions and shared problem-solving. Instead of delivering orders, ask, “What do you think would help here?” or “Can we come up with a plan together?” A collaborative approach fosters a sense of agency and encourages internal motivation.

A toddler, a 7-year-old, and a teen all require different forms of communication. Be mindful of your child’s cognitive and emotional development. Consider using simple language, visual cues, or metaphors to promote age-appropriate understanding. 

Your Role in Identity Formation

Praise, encouragement, and unconditional love are the building blocks of a healthy identity. Be generous with authentic praise: “You worked so hard on that drawing!” or “I noticed how kind you were to your friend.” Genuine affirmations reinforce effort and strong character.

Positive Praise and Redirection

Effective praise is specific and focused on effort or behavior:

• Instead of “Good job,” say: “You showed a lot of patience waiting your turn.”
• Instead of “You’re so smart,” say: “You kept trying even when it was hard.”

When redirecting behavior, avoid shame and offer choices:

• “I see that it’s hard to focus. Would you like to take a break before trying again?”
• “Running inside isn’t safe. You can walk here or go outside to run.

Being an intentional parent takes work, and a willingness to learn and grow with your child. Your emotional awareness and mindful communication not only manage your child’s behavior, but serve as powerful models of emotional intelligence and compassion. Remember that moments of doubt and struggle are expected! Your ongoing presence, love, and openness can create a thriving home environment for your child.

InnerVoice Psychotherapy and Consultation is located in Chicago, IL and Skokie, IL and provides in person and telehealth services for anyone living in the state of IL.

Book with Veronica here.